I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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