Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
