I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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