Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize