the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
My vagina is very pro this idea
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
