im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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