I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
