I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
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