Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
