She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
