I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
That's when you crack a 10am beer
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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