It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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