I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
