this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
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