i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
