Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(541): View more from Oregon

im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.

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(920): View more from Wisconsin

My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.

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(914): View more from New York

Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk

(1-914): View more from New York

It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you

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(403): View more from Alberta, CA

well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad

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(519): View more from Ontario

If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes

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(732): View more from New Jersey

I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me

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(936): View more from Texas

You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.

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(801): View more from Utah

I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.

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