my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
