The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
