Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
