he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
