I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
