I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
