I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
the raccoons are back...
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