I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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