I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
There are leaves in my underwear?
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