The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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