I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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