Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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