I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
