i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
