it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize