If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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