Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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