so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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