I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
