His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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