It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
