I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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