did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
