in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
