We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
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