if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
