I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
