There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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