I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
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