i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
