eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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