were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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