I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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