PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
time to smoke my breakfast
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Randomize
