I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
