My sheets look like a crime scene.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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