hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
