I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
someone owes me an orgasm
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
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