I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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