Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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