Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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