You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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