I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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