when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
