i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
We are two peas in an std pod
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
