I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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