okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Randomize
