Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
