I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
