my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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