I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
