Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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