I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
