first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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