i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
