i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Randomize
