Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
