Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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